


And it feels like as if somebody was gripping my throat

by All_for_the_andreil



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Boys In Love, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, POV Andrew Minyard, Panic Attacks, Protective!Neil, neil would literally burn the world for andrew
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:28:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24929158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/All_for_the_andreil/pseuds/All_for_the_andreil
Summary: Andrew is having a bad day, but he thinks it’ll pass. It doesn’t and he ends up having a panic attack during the morning practice. Neil calms him down.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 7
Kudos: 452





	And it feels like as if somebody was gripping my throat

**Author's Note:**

> Did I steal the name from My Chemical Romance? Yes, because I’m emo and so is Andrew.  
> Anyway, I always see fanfics where Neil has a panic attack and Andrew calms him down, but never the other way around, so I thought why not…  
> By the way, I am no mental health expert.  
> Enjoy

Andrew hates morning. He hates the sound of his stupid alarm and how he must get up. He hates when the sun shines brightly and Neil goes on his morning run and the bed feels empty and cold without him. He’d never admit it out loud, but he especially hates waking up without Neil.

Today is no different. He wakes up minutes before his alarm, the bed empty, no sign of Neil. Andrew rolls onto his back and stares at the ceiling. Today is a bad day. He can feel it in his bones. He doesn’t know why. Sometimes it doesn’t need a trigger.

But when his alarm goes off, he resignedly untangles himself from the sheets and climbs down the ladder, ignoring Kevin, who’s struggling to wake up.

Bad day or not, it doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter. He shouldn’t care. It’s going to pass, sooner or later. Right? Andrew knows he’s probably just fooling himself, but he refuses to just mop all day over nothing.

Neil is already in the kitchen, fixing two cups of coffee. God, he shouldn’t look so good in the morning light. His auburn curls are still bit damp from the shower and when he notices Andrew, he smiles softly and Andrew feels something in his chest tighten.

“Morning,” Neil greets him and hands him the cup.

Andrew hums in response and takes a sip, hopping the caffeine would help with his weird mood. He can feel Neil’s look on him, but he ignores it. He’s sure Neil senses something’s off, he always does for some reason, but Neil doesn’t ask and Andrew doesn’t tell. He notices though that Neil keeps his distance from him, just in case.

The morning goes pretty well, but as soon as they get to the court and the locker room starts filling up with their teammates, Andrew has to grit his teeth to keep himself together, getting overwhelmed by all the noise and people.

Neil gives him a concerned look. He must’ve picked up the panic in Andrew’s otherwise blank stare. “Are you okay?” He asks in low russian.

The rest is used to their occasional conversations in different languages, so no one pays much attention to them, for which is Andrew glad. He nods. Neil doesn’t look convinced, but doesn’t question him further.

The first half of the practice isn’t too bad. Andrew doesn’t do much. After few minutes he just sits down in the goal and watches the others without interest. He doesn’t have the energy nor will to participate.

By the time break rolls by, Kevin is furious with him. “Could you at least pretend to care?! You can’t just sit at your ass the entire time and call it practice, Andrew!”

Neil hisses at Kevin something in french, that sounds like a warning or a threat, but either way Kevin dismisses it, continuing his speech about the importance of practice.

Andrew doesn’t really listen to him, instead he wonders what would happen if he broke Kevin’s other hand. He can feel the pressure starting to build up in his body. He isn’t sure how much longer he’d be able to take it.

Kevin is certainly not helping. “Do I need to remind you we’re having a game in five days and that we are _way_ behind? You have to start doing your goddamn job!”

If there’s something Andrew hates, it’s when people tell him what he _has to_ do. Especially when he feels like he might pass out. He’s almost shaking at this point. He turns around to walk away from Kevin.

In the heat of the moment, Kevin seems to forget who he’s talking to and tries to grab Andrew’s shoulder to stop him.

Andrew freezes at the movement. He immediately goes for his knife, but before Kevin can actually touch him and before he can chop his hand off for that, Neil swats Kevin’s hand away.

“Are you fucking crazy?!” Neil yells at Kevin, not even bothering with french this time. “Do _not_ touch him, for god’s sake!”

Andrew’s had enough. He needs to get the hell out of there. He manages to stumble back into the locker room. He hears the rest of the Foxes coming after him. Fuck. It’s too much people, too much noise, too much… everything.

He wants to walk – or maybe run – out, to the bathroom, outside, somewhere, anywhere really, but his knees give out and he collapses onto the floor right in the damn locker room.

He hears the surprised voices of others, though they feel like coming from great distance. “Andrew? Andrew, are you okay? What happened? What’s wrong?”

He ignores them all. God, this is so bad. He suppresses the urge to curl up in a ball, hug his knees to his chest and cover his ears. He already feels too vulnerable. He shuts his eyes and does his best to get himself back together. Very unsuccessfully.

Someone sits to him and he tries to move away on instinct, but he can barely control his limbs. He tries too hard to breathe. He knows how panic attacks feel like, but he hasn’t had one in a while and in the meantime he almost forgot how helpless it is.

“Drew.”

Surprisingly, he recognizes the voice. Neil.

“Andrew, breathe.”

 _I am fucking trying to_ , he thinks bitterly.

“Can I touch you; yes or no?”

He manages to choke out an answer. “ _No._ ”

He is hardly aware of his surroundings but he hears someone taking few unsure steps towards him. Neil’s body next to him tenses. “Don’t,” he growls at the person.

“Neil –” Nicky tries cautiously, but Neil stops him rather sharply. “No. Get away from him.” When no one moves, he repeats himself, more firmly. “I said get away. Now!”

Andrew hears more footsteps, but they all move in the other direction until their sound fades. They are alone.

The silence and Neil’s presence is reassuring enough for him to open his eyes. His head is spinning a bit. He doesn’t trust himself to look at Neil, so he fixes his eyes on his hands, the comforting weight of his knifes in his armbands and the familiar smell of Neil’s shampoo.

“Tell me what do you need,” Neil says gently.

It takes him a while to answer. “To get out of here.” He notices his voice is strangely hoarse.

“Okay. Can you stand up?”

Andrew clenches his jaw. “No.”

“Do you want me to help you?”

He closes his eyes. Opens them again. It’s just Neil. His Neil. It’s okay. He’s safe. “Yes.”

“I’ll put my arm around your waist. Yes or no?”

He risks a glance at Neil’s face. He’s watching Andrew with cautious expression, his eyes wide and full of worry. Andrew takes a breath. It’s still not easy, though doesn’t feel as difficult as before. “Yes.”

Neil slowly, impossibly slowly, wraps his arm around Andrew’s waist and waits patiently for his reaction. Andrew tenses under his touch, but doesn’t tell him to stop and allows Neil to get him to his feet. He leans on Neil’s shoulder for support, everything’s still a bit hazy. 

Together they walk to the car. Andrew wordlessly hands Neil the keys and settles on the passenger seat.

“Dorm?” Neil asks as he sits behind the wheel.

Andrew only nods and rests his head against the window, closing his eyes again. Neil doesn’t talk and Andrew is thankful. He just needs to go to bed and sleep it off. It’s nothing to worry about.

He manages to walk to the dorm on his own, but Neil stays by his side the entire time. Andrew doesn’t mind really.

When he’s settled in the bed, he gazes at Neil, standing awkwardly in between the bedroom door.

“Go back to practice, junkie,” he tells him tiredly.

Neil doesn’t move. “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay here with you?”

Andrew nods. “I’m fine.”

Neil smirks. “That’s my line.”

Andrew rolls his eyes at him. “But I, unlike you, am not a pathological liar. Go and pick some ice cream on your way back.”

Neil nods this time. “Okay. Text me if you needed anything else, alright?”

Andrew hums in agreement and Neil, though bit unwillingly, leaves.

Andrew spends the alone time mainly by sleeping or staring at the ceiling. He doesn’t feel like moving.

When he hears muffled voices coming from the other side of the door, he guesses the others are back and he mentally prepares himself for the noise, but to his surprise, after few minutes the voices disappear and he’s left to the silence again.

Then there’s a soft knock on the door and Neil slowly walks in. “Hi. I just brought the ice cream.”

Andrew extends a hand and Neil obediently hands him the pint and a spoon, then turns to leave.

“Neil?”

He stops rather abruptly. “Yes?”

“Stay.”

It’s just one word, whispered, but Neil visibly relaxes. He walks back to Andrew, soft smile on his face. Andrew allows him to climb to the bed next to him.

They aren’t touching or talking, they just lie next to each other in peaceful silence and after the day’s tension, Andrew finally feels at ease.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading <3


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